This is it?

I have come to the conclusion that life is pointless. Everything we do, say, and think is for no reason. It doesn't matter if we are a janitor, or a CEO; happy or sad; everything ends the same, with us in the ground rotting or burned into non existance. The only glmmer of hope is the exclusive club that may or may not exist on the other side of the flatline. The rest is just tedious life, day after day of torture until nothingness. I wish I weren't such a chicken, then maybe I could be denied my membership early instead of playing the game. At least there's only about thirty more years of this. Less if I eat enough.

An Inhaler in Time

On a checkered and rude morning, Akua sat in the algae. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His paw ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Ella to love someone with a fun-loving tail?

Morosely, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an excitable delicious kitten, all on a summer's day. I wish my Ella would smush me, in her own stringy way..."

"Do you?" Ella sat down beside Akua and put her hand on Akua's whisker. "I think that could be arranged."

Akua gasped meekly. "But what about my fun-loving tail?"

"I like it," Ella said irritatingly. "I think it's suspicious."

They came together and their kiss was like the disappointment felt when one finds out Santa isn't real, or that the Tooth Fairy is really one's parents.

"I love you," Akua said worriedly.

"I love you too," Ella replied and smushed him.

They bought a duck-billed platypus, moved in together, and lived sickeningly ever after.

I need to clean the bathroom NOW.

This week at work has been pretty run of the mill. Lots of shipping customers, lots of printing customers have come in as per usual, but yesterday things picked up. There is a woman who comes in solely to use our restroom as a shower. Normally I would feel sorry for her. She is a very large woman, is in a wheelchair, and is crazy. However, the fact that when I walked into the bathroom after her, I literally had to swallow my own vomit makes me greatly dislike her. I walk in to our facilities, and am slapped in the face with a combination of wet dog, urine and armpit odor that smelled so horrid that I turned right back around and went up to my manager and commanded her to let me clean the bathroom. I didn't wait for an answer. I breathed through my mouth as I cleaned up water from the floor, cleaned sludge off of the toilet seat and as I picked up a urine soaked pad from off the floor. I was completely disgusted. How can people do this to a public restroom knowing that another human being has to clean up after them? How is that ok?

Then the day kind of got better as a schmoozing lawyer from California was printing something for his mother. He hugged me and whispered, "I am about to marry you and give you half. Do you understand me?"
Yes, I understand perfectly. I wanted to let myself believe it for a few seconds. Me, the 400 pound printing expert being swept up off my feet, and whisked away to the land of make believe where someone like that would actually ever propose to me. But, alas I can't allow myself such luxuries because I am me, and this is my life, and that is just how it is.

I found a scale at Bed Bath & Beyond that has a 440lb. capacity, so I was pretty happy about that. It's one more tool I need if I'm going to do this whole hog. I don't know if cutting my calorie consumption in half is enough to give me the results that I'm seeing but according to my new friend, I've lost 5 pounds in two days. We'll see if more logical numbers come out or if it's just toying with my emotions like my lawyer fiancee.

Death does not become me.

So, I have decided finally after years that, I like myself. I am a good person and I have a good heart. I am not perfect, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that means that I have to start treating myself that way.  I'm kinda cute (as if that really matters), and I need to concentrate on me. That sounds very selfish but I cared about one person and one person only for almost a decade and that didn't get me very far. It got me very insecure and very fat. So after being introduced to veganism by my good friend about two or so years ago, and after having her cook delicious food for me, I realized last week: "I could do that......"

I am not going to be vegan, or vegetarian, but I am eating better. I love me some meat but I don't have to eat the whole cow. I love eggs but I don't need a four egg omelet. I am making modifications that I can tolerate, slowly. I have stocked my fridge with fruit and veggies, boca burgers, earth balance "butter", and I have reduced my soda intake by 3/4s. Baby steps. Heck, if this goes well I might even start exercising or something.

Today I've eaten:
2 bananas
2 oranges
2 Nutri-Grain bars
1 Healthy Choice Manicotti Dinner
That's a total of 940 cal and 12g of fat.
I also managed to force down 2 bottles of water.
When I get home I plan on having a big salad.
I'm proud of me!

As if my whining on FaceBook weren't enough.....

So, let's try blogging. I am mainly doing this so I can stalk someone, but we'll give it a whirl.....